Home is Where the Heart Is* (cliché, I know.)
But so true... because "as soon as you rest in the house of your own heart, doors and windows begin to open outwards to the world." John O'Donohue
“My” heron
I’m sitting on the bench by the river, Ginger’s sitting next to me, alert and curious. She always jumps up on the bench when I sit.
Watching “my” heron perching on the dead tree across the river, suddenly I see that he has a mate today. She’s up higher on a branch. The two of them. He’s been alone all summer.
It’s timely, seeing the two of them there. I’m so used to seeing him solo.
My own solo journey has become a major life theme for me, it’s an ongoing writing prompt. When I was young, I always somehow managed to have a lover/partner to experience life with, the fun things, and the not so fun things. In recent years, I’ve often ached for companionship, a mate/companion to share life with.
I had that, for nearly 30 years. Never thought I’d end up living life solo.
The memoir that’s been getting stirred up for several years has evolved from a bunch of ingredients to an amorphous blob of cookie dough in a bowl to a more organized grouping of blobs on a baking sheet. (Who knows if it will ever make it into the oven.) It’s turning out to revolve around the idea of acceptance of the solo life, living alone, an acknowledgment of aging, and finally getting to the point of embracing all of it. And also finding home.
At 71 I’m realizing that hey, I CAN be alone and like it. Like writer
says - it’s about what comes next, and how to like it. What comes next is always one foot in front of the other, isn’t it ? The solo journey. It’s ongoing, until it’s over-with.I recently was sent a beautiful quote from a dear writer/artist friend. It’s from John O’Donohue’s book Eternal Echoes, and it literally “hit home” for me. (pun intended.)
“Each one of us is alone in the world. It takes great courage to meet the full force of your aloneness. Most of the activity in society is subconsciously designed to quell the voice crying in the wilderness within you. The mystic Thomas à Kempis said that when you go out into the world, you return having lost some of yourself. Until you learn to inhabit your aloneness, the lonely distraction and noise of society will seduce you into false belonging, with which you will only become empty and weary. When you face your aloneness, something begins to happen. Gradually, the sense of bleakness changes into a sense of true belonging. This is a slow and open-ended transition but it is utterly vital in order to come into rhythm with your own individuality. In a sense this is the endless task of finding your true home within your life. It is not narcissistic, for as soon as you rest in the house of your own heart, doors and windows begin to open outwards to the world. No longer on the run from your aloneness, your connections with others become real and creative. You no longer need to covertly scrape affirmation from others or from projects outside yourself. This is slow work; it takes years to bring your mind home. “
I’ve had three different homes since I’ve been on my solo trek for the past 14 years, and the one I’m in now is where I’m supposed to be. It really is home. And boy, am I grateful.
“…As soon as you rest in the house of your own heart, doors and windows begin to open outwards to the world.”
The heron pair are immobile as they stand on their respective roosts, not together but quite far apart really, at least a good 30 feet. Seems to be a good way to have a pairing. Who knows - people tell me that “it’s never too late” and you see stories of old people falling in love in their 80’s, in the nursing home. It can happen. I’m not exactly hoping and waiting. But writing, as solo as it is, has become a wonderful balm and panacea, a way to be alone, as well as at home, with my Self.
There are thousands of us here who are on this memoir journey, and we’re mostly women. Are you one of them? Leave me a comment!
*Footnote: “Home is where the heart is” has been attributed to Pliny the Elder, first c. AD
Writing is my new (renewed) passion, and I’m just getting started here on Substack. If you appreciate Continuing Wonderment and what I’m sharing, please let me know with a comment, a like ❤️, and please subscribe, share, or restack. Thanks for being here… I truly value this community.
I love this Karen. So beautifully said. And happy for you! I love any solitude I can get. I feel more lonely in society than I do in my aloneness. 💝
I loved my years of being single post divorce. I (often) write about wishing I could live a parallel life where I still am. And I always think about how we’re ultimately alone. Not in a sad way, but in a honest way. We are the only one in the universe of our mind.
Thank you for this piece!